Last November, I wrote all November Poem-A-Day prompts against a specific topic – Letters to My Younger Self. It is a chapbook, because that’s the original aim of that month-long challenge – to produce a chapbook for publication.
Obviously, I’m so wasted by work, that come New Year, I’ve forgotten all about it. Of course, I mentioned it in my “New-Year-resolutions” post where I bragged about it being nearly ready. Recently, I’ve found the chapbook’s first draft and I think it’s as good a time to post some of the poems here as any. This one was written for day 7 prompt – occupation/profession. In it, I tell my younger self that in spite of all her heroic aspirations, she would be a drama queen.
My favourite occupation,
And your dream – to climb the fandom ladder
Playing what befits you most.
My lovely queen,
Your regular amaze fits, and your frequent
Pas-de-deux in the variety show
Of randomly selected dramatic media,
Goth black, feathers, glee and dreamy eyes,
Still warm my heart with bitterness
Instead of the fans’ loving glitter kisses
On your diary.
How hungry I am all the time
Even when I’m not
And it’s not just food.
But when I was you…
I was never really craving food
Still, my appetite was unquenchable
Joy, love, glory, that thing of no name…
Especially that thing –
It hasn’t disappeared and it hasn’t got
A proper name yet.
Although I got much of what I hadn’t craved for,
I still feel the same old hunger
For the nameless thing.
Today’s the day I apologise to my younger self that I didn’t manage to become what she always wanted.
For every breach of promise,
I apologise to you.
I see every step away from your dreams
As a breach.
Not only promises set in stone,
Signed with your name in bloody letters
In a book somewhere
But dreams as well, your secret hopes
To be what I never rose to become
Going astray from them is bigger a breach,
As it cuts to the quiver, as it betrays our deepest secret
I apologise for letting you down
And letting you turn into an everyday family thing
Instead of the herald, or the star, or the Captain Amazing
Which you are
In your heart.
(c) 2018, MK
For some time my beloved Emo has been urging me to put together a small chapbook as a way of getting my poems in order and as a first step towards marketing my skills (which he lovingly refers to as “talent”). No need to mention that I agreed right away and since then, I have been thinking of a title for that chapbook.
Finally, early this morning, as I was putting on my sunscreen, it dawned on me! It will be a “Sombre Chapbook”. (Are you able to see the subtle link that emerged in my mind – sun protection and the coming autumn?) I will put it together and “release” it in time for the autumn “fall of the leaf”, so that my poetry-loving friends may enjoy a small, but, I hope, precious addition to their melancholic Sunday afternoon readings.
Further news to be cast shortly (or, to borrow Adi’s expression [which has also been borrowed]): “earlier or later”.