These days, I’ve been thinking of not writing anymore. It’s true, other authors’ activity somewhat depresses me. They manage to write, share, submit, get published, get liked, etc. in such short terms. Success around makes me feel more insignificant than I actually am. From time to time someone would ask me what happened to my book/my poetry writing/my publishing plans and intentions. I mumble in response like an idiot. I don’t even know how I decided to check the prompt sites today.
Carry On Tuesday hit the mark with Midway in Life’s Journey – a topic so sad and bitter, that the following simply poured over the paper. No tears, just words. I have no power for tears anymore.
***
I don’t want to hear a word
of being midway in life’s journey
Trust to my left, rust to my right
Being awake all night
Mull over self-saddening confusions
Close the window to
bleak memories
sweet memories
just memories
warming my heart
warning my mind
worrying my soul.
I can’t really pre-order my days
Nor my nights, for that matter
Purring cat on my left
Dictionary on my right –
I guess, they matter.
© Mariya Koleva, 2012
You may also like:
Oh, please don’t give up. You owe it to the world to share your talent, your gift.
I know it’s frustrating to see other people succeed when you are trying so hard yourself. Let it be an inspiration. If they can do it, so can you! Don’t focus on what you are not doing or accomplishing. Concentrate on what you are doing … and that is writing lovely poetry like the one here.
I can SO relate to your opening comments. I love writing (it’s not even two years ago that I discovered that I like to write poetry!) and I don’t want to stop. Yet I have so often felt what you described. I go to the prompt sites with “blinders” on — get in, get the prompt, get out. I’ve even put filters on my FB newsfeed so that I control when I read the posts about others’ poems and submissions and selections. Does it mean I’m not happy for them all and still love their poetry? No – it just means that if I want to keep writing (and I do!) I have to limit my exposure to their work and announcements. Meanwhile, I keep working on my own self-esteem issues.